Sunday, November 29, 2009

Chro: Nov 2 2007

Nov 2 2007
Doc, you know something, for years I peddled the same lines to girls that I met.

And that would be?
Here, read it. I have scribbled it again for you.

I love you like rain, like the sunshine, like a moon in her prime, like the last wind that blows before you close the doors.
I love you like venom, like everything that's taboo.
I love you like the mountains, like the snow that it brings, and the thankful blanket that protects me from all that is cold
I love you like desert, like the dry sand that flows, to the ocean of thirst on a lonely traveler's mouth
I love you like life and death
And if one of us passes away sooner, I would die if it were you. If it was me I would want you to cry - once, when no one sees. where no one can see.
And when the years pass,
In heaven or hell, wherever it is, I'll seek and find you.

I love you like age loves youth, like tomorrow would crave yesterday
I love you like nicotine, like tar, and all the carcines that cause cancer
I love you like no other, for there never was one, and you were -after all- a distant feather

Interesting. And what came of it?

Nothing. Someone told me it's the last two lines had a profound impact on girls.

I think so too, I think you should stop at the first para.

I will. Would you read it your wife tonight? It will be fun.

Doc didn't respond. He just picked up his scopes and left.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Chro: Nov 1 2007

Does October have a 31st? I think it does. My Diary looks empty. They must have drugged me for a whole day.

M: Doc. Do you know there was a wise man who once said that shit stares at us all? And all a man can do is piss back.

D: Never heard.

M: You must have. It was your father.

D: No way.

M: You didn't have one?

D: Of course I had one. I mean I still have. But he never said that. And what would a fre.., I mean a person like you know of my family anyway?

M: I heard you right doc. You broke a rule in the book. It doesn't matter anyway. In fact there's more that I know that you don't. You don't even know that he told your mom when you were a sick kid that "he would have been better off being a girl.

D: Shut up

M: Or that he you used to call you "Dipsie" when you were still in the womb.

D: I said just shut upppp, he fumed.

That just did it. I lost it completely at that point.
I don't like taking orders.
I just don't like them.
In one swift motion, my lips pursed and I fell silent.
I obey them nonetheless.
These days, at least.

Chro: Oct 30 2007

Doc appeared to be a bit tired after the holiday. Didn't bother to ask why. He asked:

D: So how did the doc treat you?

M: She was fine, can't complain.

D: She said she found you unnerving.

M: Did she say unnerving or unveining?...hahahaha

D: What was that all about?

M: Oh that was nothing. One of those "you had to be there" jokes. Have you read Love in time of Cholera?

D: No, why?

M: It's amazing that everyone has heard about it, but too few have actually read it.

D: Have you?

M: No

He didn't prod further. Thankfully.

Chro: Oct 29 2007

I don't feel no physical pain. Which is why I do inane things. When I was four or five I chopped of the top bit of the crown of my left thumb. It was really funny, watching the way blood oozed out, wondering all the while why everyone was screaming.
I could fight and win any battle (well, almost - once or twice guys had knocked me senseless.) mainly because I couldn't feel pain. Once a guy broke my left arm and with that crooked arm I pummelled the fellow. I threw my hand at him. The bone that stuck out from my broken arm apparently got into one of his vitals. I don't remember which one, becuase I had hit him in a couple. I think he was in a morgue for a long time, because there were no takers.

Btw, quack came and left, without even making eye contact. I brazenly checked out her veins again.

Chro: Oct 28 2007

Listened to Janis Joplin 97 times. Oh Lord, won't you give me a Merecedez Benz.
Doc was on leave today. A junior quack came to see me, and prescribed an injection. She tried to make conversation to confirm that I'm loony. I remained silent, all the while looking at the prominent veins in her neck. She was very fair which made them stand out. That look must have spooked her, he he. She said the injection would have a therapeutic effect. As though that would make me feel better...I was hoping for something more like a Tera Patrick effect. She pricked and left. "Tera Patrick", I mouthed.

Chro: Oct 27 2007

There was a time, when I was a kid, when I even made made my teacher cry. But forget it. Today I was more pacifist. I seemed to be at ease with myself. I looked at a wilting flower at the window and imagined it to be her. I was happy. She was there. Right next to me in my room.

Doc: Why're you so happy today?
Me: "You mean gay?"
D: No I mean happy?
M: That's what I meant too. In my times gay meant happy. Actually I'm always happy. The only times that I'm not is when I'm sad. That's how you tell a happy man from a sad man. The sad man is always sad. The happy man is happy except when he's sad.Know what I mean?
D: Yeah, kind off. Where did you pick up that trash dialogue from?
M: From a guy called Philip. We used to call him Phil. He had a girlfriend-name was Sophy or something. Whenever he went on a date, we used to say philo-fucking-sophy. hahaha.

Doc smiled and left. He must be thinkin I'm sane.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Engraving

Guess what's the engraving you will find on the block where your member will be chopped off, if ever you're guilty of rape or assault on females in Saudi Arabia?

Well, loosely translated from Old Arabic, it reads "the fuck stops here"

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The end of it all

I had posted this on Sulekha some years back. After the recent doomsday talk, thought of posting it again here.

The end of it all

The snakes were a bit tentative. "Are you sure this is going to work?" A little viper barely half a feet long asked it's neighbor. "Yes, perhaps," hissed its cousin a few feet away. Every snake in the planet, lethal or otherwise had started crawling to places where the walkers dwelled. They were the vanguard of the army of everything that lived on this planet, save the walkers1. One mission to bring an end to all the commotion created in the last 5000 years when the walkers multiplied in large numbers. Walkers, that's what they called members of a 6 billion strong species.

Everyone had a role in this assault. Alligators crept out of marsh lands and moved into the open, where they could see lights inside the homes. Moving in the dust meant a lot of pain for these beings, but they were determined to play their part. They had the collective consciousness.

Cows had already begun the work in a subtle manner, a few moons ago. Unaware of the looming threat, the walkers just called it "Bovine spongiform encephalitis" or the "Mad Cow Disease." When the plan was first hatched, there were many who said.."but it won't kill the walkers." The little ones2 said, "yes, but we can kill the cows. It will be the first blow to their food resources."

Many who attended the conclave were apprehensive of killing their own kind, but this opposition was dealt with by a long winded answer from the lone bovine participant, "we are already being killed. They even have a fancy name for us...beef...and the truth is everyone will perish once this is over. Or even otherwise, at this rate. Let's be the ones to start it. We will die for this place which we all call home." And then her voice rang out loud...

"Milk might be a thing of the moo,
Udders might fallllllllll...
But the kind that moves on legs two
will be the first ones to crawlllll"

Yesssss...."Death to walkers" cried all of them. The collective consciousness of the planet was in motion. The chain could not be broken now. The spirit of Mother Gaia3 felt pain for the first time in millions of years. It never felt this bad, when the walkers first started mining, blowing up, hunting, killing and raping its crust. "It had to be done. Everything would have to go. Fresh life would take its place, even it meant a long wait."

Gaia shivered, and tall water waves spread out from the oceans to different parts of the world. She let out steam through the cones of hills that the walkers had long deemed to be dormant or dead. Tremors rocked the little planet at regular intervals of days.
The little ones struck again later, this time on chickens. Billions of chicken, virtually manufactured for consumption, had to be culled. This was followed up by an attack on plants, the willing conspirators. They started to wilt. No fertilizer, no pesticide seemed to work. Food baskets of the world were in danger of being barren wastelands. Then there came the uncountable number of dead fish floating on the water bodies of the world. Boats found it difficult to wade through foot thick layers of dead fishes. Stench filled the air as they started to rot. The winds carried the foul reminder deep into the hinterlands. The walkers went around covering their noses with wet cloth to avoid the stinging smell.

At the final meeting, the mood was sombre. "Today is the end, and we have planned it good. They themselves would help us a bit," said the spirit. "Can we have one more of the water waves?" asked a tiny dog, the best friend of the walkers. "One?" she replied and smiled.

Tremors rocked the planet. The germ warfare research center in Kazakhsthan and Biological Weapons Institute at Fort Detrick4, Maryland were the firsts to be ripped apart by the strength of the tremors. Then the snakes started crawling.

1 Men
2 Virus
3 Spirit of the planet Earth
4 Random un-researched crap

Thursday, November 19, 2009


The movie has India all over it - a young Indian Astrophysicist who connects the dots and realizes how the D-day is going to unfold. Without him we would all be sitting ducks. Just one scene in the movie when he sounded odd …. when he said something like "Hamaara Saaman Pack Karo" like Tom Alter (or any firang) would say in old DD serials. There was no subtitle for that, and I’m still wondering what the world would make out of that. India's brilliance also comes into the forefront when all the satellite networks in the world are down, and the scientist in the Arc or the ship in a godforsaken corner of Tibet, gets a call from this guy. Guess what????? Indian mobile networks are still functioning. What an Idea Sirjiii...

I liked the Russian - Yuri. And it's good to see an Antonov aircraft once in a while, when we only get to hear about Boeing and Airbus these days. One of the most poignant scenes in the movie is when Yuri walks off from the boxing match (being fought by his protégé) so that he could board the ship. One of the underlying themes in the movie is Karma. This guy ditches everyone and pays for it by falling off the concrete cliff while trying to board the ship. And for his girlfriend, the poignancy was displayed in the finger-raising scene. For that one bad karma, she had to pay…in water.

And then there was Gordon - the guy who took care of the Hero's (yawn) family for all these years when he had been writing pulp. He comes in as the savior again by doing some stunning aircraft stunts which where never done since the Wrong brothers. He saved them not once, not twice, but a gazillion times - and in the end dies an inglorious death. Where's the cosmic justice in that? May be none was needed, as the audience was also doing the "hmmm-ouch, that must have hurt...ok...whatever...let's get on with the movie" rout as he fell into an average mechanical engineer's dream death between huge gearwheels.

And then there was the hero's family. Can you believe it? The once estranged wife wouldn't let him be when he was the last hope for the planet. They had to do emo stuff. And his kid, that brat had the audacity to swim underwater leaving his mom and sis to help his dad (when daddy had rationally explained to the six year old kid that he needs to stay behind and take care of his sis). Wifey wasn't too bad either…she was about to go underwater searching for hubby and kid, when someone sitting near me thankfully remarked "poora family haraami hai yaar."

And those cardboard signs "The end is nigh" is so passé. And you expect more from the D Lama look-alike. Guess what the Zen story he had to tell his disciple was? "Your cup is full..overflow..keep it empty...learn." Grow up Hollywood.

Charlie (the radio guy – remember?) is good. And so is his blog video on U Tbe (

The President had to be good. So he stayed back (they had to bring in the captain sinking ship analogy…aaargh), and a lot us thought he would make it, when he came back alive twice, once after his transmission conked, and once after the whatchamacallit tower came down. He came back only to be royally done by USS Kennedy washing ashore. The script of his finale speech was bad, pathetic compared to the Independence Day President, if that was some sort of movie standard. He could have said, considering the pathetic situation, "No, we cannot" and asked everyone to repeat (yes we can, anyone?). Incidentally, I’m told that that's the same line that every distributor is using when someone asks him/her about breaking even.

If you get the drift of the movie, it reflects our times: Brazil as some sort of a country that deserves mention; Russia as the more-or-less “yes-Mr. US President” but still a force; India as the techno place; China as the manufacturing hub; UK, Germany, and specifically Italy as the goners, and the rest of the world as whatever. BRIC

Verdict: Don't watch it even if in-laws don’t pay for it.

Verdict for the unconvinced - Script: Yuri: You know Curtis, I wasn’t always businessman. I am a boxer. Was my only playing when I was a boy, back in Murmansk. My coach...... his name also Yuri... He always said: ‘Someone wants to beat you... he has to kill you first’. Kannada Translation: Thuuu

And this was brought to my attention by a friend at a sober party last week: "California is going down! Pack up the kids!"