Chro: Dec 31 2007

Doc: Happy Birthday fellow, you look awesomely happy today.

Thanks. And, as a matter of fact I’m trying to look happy. Hey Doc, have you have ever been hit by your close friends?

You know I’m not going to answer any of your non-treatment related questions, don’t you?

C’mon doc. It’s my birthday, surprise me. Pleeeaaassse – consider it as my birthday wish.

Ok ok. A couple of times. But we were drinking and it was in jest. I guess it was a fair fight, ya know.

No. No. I don’t know. That’s not what I’m talking about. Have you have ever been hit by your close friends? I mean “hit” as in, hit to hurt you.

No major way buddy. It hurts, punches always hurt, don’t they?

Yes they do…they do. Punches hurt. They are equal. But as George Orwell said, and let me paraphrase it for you, some punches are more equal than the others.

MMM?

Doc, I know you don’t get it. So let me be the doc here. There are them punches. Like when I was in school, and I was liked by everybody, or so I thought. There were two warring factions, and I belonged to one of them. And there used to be fights. And I was there always, not fighting, mind you doc, but throwing people one way or the other, trying to put an end to the madness, yelling STOP.

And, were you successful?

Well, yes, at times I did manage to push them away, coz I had friends on both sides. I’m not sure if you heard this quote – “the success of a man’s efforts needn’t always be measured in outcomes, but by pure intent and in some cases sheer audacity of the effort”. It would have been Nietzsche, but he did not say it, coz he wasn’t ever in my position.

Ok, I’m getting this, I think. Ciao, and be good.

Doc wait, it’s my birthday, and moreover, the best is yet to come.

Hmm. And?

And I was playing the invincible, or so I thought. Till it all came to pass. There was this day. One of my faction guys pulled me out and BANG hit me. And it hurt.

What? I mean, one of your people?

Yes, one of mine, and I was like ouch. What the fuck is wrong with him? Thankfully, I kicked back just out of reflex and it was not BANG BANG BANG and in 5 seconds it’s all over. People came running and it’s curtains.

Ok. Did that hurt?

You had to ask, didn’t you? That hurt. Baaad. And I walked away, and there are these other faction guys, the vultures swooping in, asking me if I was hurt, and chweatly “We need to do something about this. Can we settle this for you?” And I was like – No, thank you very much." And I think I just left the place. I think I yelled a lot before I left.

Doc: Did that hurt?

Not exactly. I was surprised.

Ya know, I think you were a good man that day, doing God's work, and I feel sorry for you.

Like hell you are, you would feel sorrier if you were me today. Hahaa, gotcha. actually, you would be sorry if you were me the NEXT day. I was having this conversation next day with one of my opposite faction friends and I learn that my-faction-guy had a misunderstanding. And I was like ok….And then I learn from one of my-faction-guys that my-faction-guy had a misunderstanding. And I’m like ok. And then I learn from everyone that my-faction-guy had been telling every-faction-guy that he has had some sort of understanding and that he planned to settle it. And none of them my faction or your faction guys bothered to tell me shit is coming. Does that qualify in your DSM as anything?

No. I think I lost you.

Cool. Coz I lost myself too that day. And from there on, I never had friends.