Wikileaks Kerala

S E C R E T TRIVANDRUM 001545

SIPDIS

HQ SOUTHCOM ALSO FOR POLAD
TREASURY FOR MYALLOY

COMMERCE FOR 4431/MAC/WH/MKERWTF

E.O. 12958: DECL: 01/01/2018

TAGS: MAHABALI, MAVELI, MARX, VAMANAN, SOCIALISM, CONSPIRACY

SUBJECT: KERALA WITH PLANTED SOCIALIST LEGENDS

REF: DIA REPORT AUG. 30 2007 S-119 883-07/CNT

Classified By: Political Officer Parnell Steward for reasons best known to him.

1. (S) SUMMARY: Kerala is a south Indian state that is vital to our ilmenite interests. However, the state is a communist/socialist outpost and 50% of people refuse to believe in the capitalist model. The problem is not the people, but urban legends. END SUMMARY.

2. On May 5, 2009, 6 poloffs (political officers) met with the Chief Minister of Kerala, Mr. VSAP, who expressed dismay at the cultural misunderstanding between East and West. Our officers were taken aback by his frank gestures and communications [He reminded Officer 2 of a Noh dancer, but we’re not allowed Japanese jokes here - FYEO].

3. Our attache was there, and he asked how communism thrives in Kerala. Mr. VSAP kept saying “revolutionary democracy”, “Poland”,and more frequently a word called “Onam”.

4. During this time, Officer 3 googled and found that Onam was some sort of Thanksgiving in this part of the world. Apparently, there was a bad [terrorist/asura] king by the name Mahabali aka Maveli who ruled this land a long time ago -thousands of years before Amerigo Vespucci was born. And he was ambushed by the good folk [Vamana/Vishhu], for the good of the people. There was a peculiar problem though, because the asura/terrorist king was pretty good with his ways and people adored him. He was a suave dude who made sure everyone got the cut. Everyone in Kerala was equal in wealth and status under his rule. Before banishing Mahabali to the netherworld, the powers that be granted him a wish - to return to see his folks in Kerala once a year. That homecoming festival is celebrated as Onam.

5. Our attaché, after receiving this input, and firmly digesting it [the indigestion it caused him is still the butt of jokes in the White House], asked Mr. VSAP how the f, he managed to retain a pseudo socialist government against all odds, especially from his own comrades who wanted to ditch him. And he laughed the laugh of a Prajapati. He admitted that that the legend of Onam was a socialist creation. [He belched.] Mr. VSAP said that it was an urban legend, so that the people of Keairlaa [sic], believed that they have a socialist past. They were all illustrious once-in ancient times-all were equal and thriving, till the capitalist Devas led by Vamana took it all away. The story of that day is just that. Vamana and Mahabali were all creations of an emancipated [EMS] mind. But the people believe, and that matters. Mr. VSAP went on to harvest some more crops of the ideology that was fertilized with the thoughts of a German atheist.

6. Mr. VSAP then spoke ill about the parents of a dead NSG commando, all his political opponents, and an erstwhile ruler of Travancore. He was getting worked up, so we offered him what we were carrying. He was skeptical about our offering, but then he saw that it was ice cream that was made in the US, tasted it, and praised it saying nothing available in Kerala was in its League. And then Mr. VSAP danced on his way to the rest room. After coming back he laughed....and hummed "Manushar ellarum onnu pole". Our translators say that it means "people are all equal". [Potentially explosive socialist thought] While we were leaving, he called us from behind and shouted "Happy Onam".

7. Apparently, someone named O.V Vijayan called up our attache to say he is turning in his grave.

END COMMENT.

CAULIFIELD

This is fabrication.