All right..."The girl next door" packs a punch in her response.
Couple of rules:
1. Read this only if you have spare time. It's a guaranteed waste.
2. Upon reading this, you need to either smile or frown (latter preferred). Remember: It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. (c) despair.com
That nasty angel of mine is pestering me in all manner possible. Dude/dudy wants to know what I want. Look...for one last time. I have all that I want that comes for 200 bucks. I am reasonably managing my life without stressing myself out.
Now YOU and YOUR whiny messages are stressing me.
So angel…if you promise not to nag further, you can gift me the following:
Two stress balls and
One stress bat (yeah the electric one you kill mosquitoes with).
Should come for Rs. 180.
Keep the change thank you.
Phew...Now that's settled.
Jellybum's nasty as ever. Yesterday I loitered around her place, trying to look nice and give
some sort of hints. Didn't work. She looked right through me as though I was Mandira Bedi's sari.
Worse, the office grapevine tells me in the evening that she thinks I'm hitting on her. Boy!
Now here are my ideas for her:
How about 20 scratch lottery tickets? Haan/Naah?
May be a T-shirt which says:
"Samandar mein su su karne se Tsunami nahin hoti"
Might get slapped.
Rejected
You must be thinking I'm jobless, sitting here typing out these long mails. You got me wrong there. I got enough work to make a living. Yet I manage to write hate mails.
How?
Evil has it's own ways.
It makes my b******s tingle
Luv,
Secret Zatan
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Z to me office> show details 12/13/07
Hi Zatan,
You are NOT funny!!! I wonder if anyone has told u that!!!. You mails make no sense!!. I think we should all donate 10p each and enrol you in CLOWN SCHOOL.
And if you ever manage to graduate, we shall then send you to CLOWN COLLEGE!!!!!.
On behalf of the
ABC Team.
POS to me
Cheers N, Great mail!! we share your sentiments.
On behalf of the XYZ Team
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D to office>
show details 12/13/07
Hey zatan, I guess you should be the owner of this despair.com right?
Or even the best, you should start something called frustratedsouls.com; pessimisticpals.com
You could always ask for suggestions from US!!!
On behalf of the
Support Team J
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Zeta to: me office>
Hey Zatan!!!
I, personally, on behalf of no one else, applaud your efforts at bringing in a bit of humor!!!
I appreciate your sense of irony and think that you could be a great trainee/graduate at nationalsarcasm.com or murphyrules.com!!!
Again, on behalf of no one else but ME, I appreciate that you choose to look at the evil and nasty as well as the good and the funny…
Two sides of the same coin…taliyan ek haath se nahi bajthi… yaadi yaada…
SO!! Cheers to your fresh perspective!! If nothing else, there is still one person hankering after your delicious attempt at irony and intrigue…
On behalf of
ME.
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Zeta to: me office>
show details 12/13/07
To the Secret Zatan:
“From the valleys and halls of the dark Mordor…
Arises a power that no one can ford off…
The slime and filth forgotten in no haste…
Zatan leaves a sour taste…
In the minds of the lesser mortals
As his subtle reach surely throttles
The gift of love, joy and peace…
But there are some that never adore
The sweet nothings of the Xmas radar
The deer, the light, the yawn and the fight…
Splendidly does Zatan arise;
And behold in true splendor
The gift of gab
An ugly task…truly a mind bender
For the nasty little jibe does hurt
Zatan in his glory is curt
Take a moment dear friends!!
To appreciate, what no one else attempts -
To bring in to the dark ages
A wee smile…and humor from its cages.
Slash!! Grr! Colleges galore!
May (s)he never forget
The bitter truth of ancient lore:
What goes up comes down…
Evil and the good – two sides of the same coin
What perseverance, if shown
Comes with insight and not a moan
What cheer in the world is left…
If Zatan is lost and the truth is bereft???””
Disclaimer: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Please note that this message represents the official view of the voices in my head.
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Sajish GP me
show details 12/13/07
Hey Satan,
I gotta suggestion for you...
For once, why don't you try thinking like a Santa. Just need to reorder 3 letters in your name.
If not, try graduating from that Clown College. If you succeed we'll chip in some more cash, and send you to the Indian parliament - the greatest collection of clowns.
Again on behalf of everyone in this office who does not object to the above,
-Sajish
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From someone to me office.
show details 12/13/07
Ha! Ha! We bow to the your words... well said, and cheers to that !!!!
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Zeta to: me office>
Good one Sajish!! LOL!
How about some tales of kindness and compassion? Must be tough for you. But try.
Remember life is about good and bad. Do not just glorify bad. Look at the other side too. It might be brighter at least!
Nevertheless, I shall pitch in too!!
Cheers!
Zeta
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X to me office> show details 12/14/07
TO THAT UNLUCKY PERSON WHO HAS TO BUY A GIFT FOR ZATAN!!!!
GIFT IDEAS!!!
1. A copy of the book " A CHRISTMAS CAROL"( Of course not an original copy but a used copy from an Avenue street store)
If you do not know what that book is about go to the links below and refresh your memories or just remember "SCROOGE"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Christmas_Carol
www.stormfax.com/dickens.htm
2. A pirated copy of the movie "How the Grinch stole Christmas"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0170016/
Well thats it for now!!! Please feel free to contribute to this list!!!!!!!!!!
Have a nice day !!!!!!!!!!!
X.
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S to me office> show details 12/14/07
Hey X,
That's really funny! Those r excellent gift ideas for giving Zatan!!!
Waiting for the rest of the list :)
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