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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Chro: Jan 13, 2008

Doc, do you know what pain is?

D: Hmm, it depends. Mental or physical?

Mental, the searing unbearable type, if we can discount all the physical harassment you give me in the name of treatment.

D: Haha. Sure pal, everyone feels it. If you ask me, I feel it all the time. But what I think is, and I could be wrong here, but....our minds are designed to take a healthy dose of real pain.

Mine isn't, which is why I ended up in your custody. And, what I'm talking about is THE real pain that comes from a feeling of helplessness. Guilt, which you cannot clear, which you cannot correct. The only way would be to go back in time.

D: Hmm. I guess that's not an option you're considering?

Nope, not yet. But...don't you think it's sad that life does not come with a Ctrl Z option? I mean, how can you live with that single formatting error you made that you cannot correct.

D: Wait a minute. Did you kill someone?

No.

D: Rape?

No.

D: Did you bully the new nurse?

No.

D: Pillage? Plunder? Destroy?

No, no, no! Mine is emotional, not a flesh wound, so to speak. That said, no matter how much you scream from the rooftops, the person at the receiving end of your lack of judgment would not buy it. And that's when you feel the real pain.

D: I don't buy that.

Buy what?

D: That part about the person at the receiving end.

Why not?

D: Now, if that person really is a friend, someone for whom you mean something or the other way around, he or she would get it.

Really?

D: Yeah, really.

You mean I got all worked up for that?

D: Yes you did.

Goddammit! Guess I added a lot of sad pus to a bad wound.

D: Something like that. And, by the way, in about 5 minutes, you're gonna get another injection. It would make you feel better.

Now is not a good time to talk about real physical pain, is it?

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Taktsang, the Tiger's Nest

High on Gross National Happiness - what the hell was that, I wondered, when I started reading about Bhutan. Is it all about shiny happy people inhabiting this country? Well, the people that we met in Bhutan, for the most part seemed to be quite friendly and helpful.That included the guy in the immigration desk in Phuentsholing, Bhutan who wanted 500 Indian Rupees per head in exchange for 500 Bhutanese Ngultrum (say it - Niltrum). We did not bother much as the exchange rate was anyway 1:1. Indian currency is in short supply in Bhutan, and a lot of officials have their kids studying in India.

Indians can enter Phuentsholing freely, but to go anywhere else in Bhutan, we need a permit. Like a lot of others, we were worried about permits (due to the scary delay stories floating around online), but thankfully, it worked out fast and fine for us because we had some resourceful people with us :). Both on our onward and return journeys we stayed at Midpoint Hotel in Phuentsholing, run by the affable Sonam Penjor, who's FB occupation status says "dishwasher at Midpoint". He kept the hotel and its kitchen alive for us long after closing hours, sang a couple of good numbers, and even crossed over to India to get us nicotine sticks.


The song presented below is his own composition.




It was here that we learned the first few words in Dzongkha. Kuzuzangpola is the only one which I remember - it means hello. Later, I read that the concept of different greetings for different times of the day is alien to Bhutanese culture. Kuzuzangpola it is whether it's morning, noon, or night.

Here's the permit documentation season for 22 people.


After the permits were done by around 10 O Clock, we drove for around 7 hours straight to Paro. The ride was beautiful, and we stopped occasionally on the permit check points and for refreshments.



Paro is a town that seems to be frozen in time, from a few centuries before, save for the few swanky cars that make up for the lack of traffic.

We stayed at the spic and span Olathang.


Paro's main attraction is the Taktsang Monastery (the Tiger's Nest), planted right on edge of a steep rocky cliff. There's no point writing about the monastery. You have to see it to appreciate its magnificence, and while you're at it, think that it was first made while Newton was toying with the ideas of gravity. The hike up to Taksang is extremely beautiful, and not so difficult. It took the slowest of us about 5 hours to reach the top.

If you ever go there, one word of advice - the monastery seems to be a long way away and above (as in the pic above) for the most part of the hike. Do not be disheartened. Toward the end, it just presents itself, very much reachable, save the steep V shaped stairs that will take your breath and a lot other things away.

If you're spiritual, it's a pilgrimage of sorts. If you're a traveler, it gives you a sense of accomplishment. Well, the accomplishment would last for just a few minutes,  because just after reaching and depositing your camera and other belongings in the office at the front, all you need to do is look up, and see another maze of stairs leading all the way up into the monastery.

The people around, and I mean not just the Lama or the residents of the monastery, are extremely helpful and willing to answer your questions. You air a doubt about something to your travel-mate, chances are that some stranger will politely explain to you what you were wondering about. I asked a lady about a strange ritual that was going on and she explained that all you need to do to get something in life is - pray for it, look at the black spot on the big rock in front, close your eyes, walk with your hand forward, and touch the spot on the rock. It was one of those side-games, while the big show happens inside in this sprawling complex with its multiple places of worship. It seemed simple enough, and was worth a shot - what the hell, big deal, if you lose. I prayed for job satisfaction, marked the black spot out, closed my eyes, walked, and banged right against the pillar next to the rock.

The proof of le pudding:


While waiting for the rest of us to come down from the monastery, I chatted up with one of the security personnel of the monastery. I asked him about lunch options for 22 people. While talking about it, he laughed about his lunch. There are only two guards, and because of the rush of visitors, they never have time to prepare lunch. They usually skip it. I kept cribbing about the 22 hungry stomachs that we have, and he rushed up to his cabin and came back with an apple. Thanking profusely, I bit into the apple, and told him this was not going to help us in a big way. And that's when he told me he had just one apple. And I'm like, this man has had no lunch and he's parting with the only food item that he has. It's like one of those moments, when you start thinking - now what? He sensed it, and told me a simple thing - you said you were hungry, and that's why I gave it to you. I'm sure he would have parted with 22 apples, if he had them. The mystery of Gross National Happiness was solved that day - he was happy, because he was evolved, so to speak. He could have been the Good Samaritan in the Bible, the Buddha himself, or the Karna in the Mahabharata. God bless you Bhutan.

To Sonam Penjor, the lovely Pema Dolma and another Sonam at Olathang, and this security guard without a name - Kuzuzangpola from India to all of you.


PS: To all Indians out there. It costs $250 every day for a foreigner to be in Bhutan, an amount that has to be paid to the Bhutanese government. Except, if you're an Indian. Go visit this marvelous country before the rules change.

PS2: We came up with a few words to describe trip:
Phuentsholification - The Phuentsholing experience.
Thukpaed  - The feeling you get after your tummy is full of Thukpas.
Parofied - The manner in which Paro mesmerizes you.
Beer Puri - Packed puri that loses its hardness after treating with beer (we only discussed that possibility).

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Chro: Jan 10, 2008

Hey doc, wanna talk about something?

D: Like what? [Looks at me and smiles.]

Well, that's a welcome change - a smile. You're kind of warming up to me these days.

D: Really? If you think so, may be it is because you're starting to make some sense. My kid is a taking a better interest in grammar, after I showed him your write-up.

Hmm. I hate flattery.

D: Oh, that's news. But I'm not flattering you. My kid really liked it.

No. I'm not talking about a kid's fascination. I'm talking about types of flattery that are unwarranted.

D: Why so? It's always a good thing to hear something nice, once in a while at least.

Couple of years back, I used to get it sometimes. But some of them always made me uneasy. You know I could tell between real appreciation and the spurious kind?

D: Nooo. How can you tell?

Well, it's like this. The real appreciation is dropped in to a conversation - it may have been planned - but you're enamored by it. Mostly, there is a hint of hesitance and apology attached to it. The subversive one is shot like an arrow - it sticks out like a sore thumb - one that is pushed against your neck making it difficult for you to breathe.

D: Well, that's hard to tell.

Well, I could always tell. At least, before I came here.

D: What??? Ok, thanks for not flattering me about my treatment.

C'mon, I haven't lost that skill completely. I believed you about the grammar bit, because you brought the kid into the picture - and also because you have nothing to gain from me.

D: What has gain anything to do with it?

It has everything. I learned it the hard way. I tell you what - next time you totally flinch at something flattering - to the extend that you honestly think you do not deserve the praise, remember the sound of a knife that's being sharpened. It's getting ready for you.

D: Well, I'm honestly tempted to dismiss your thoughts as being whimsical or flimsy, but I would resist the temptation to do so, considering the fact that I respect, for whatever it is worth, your thought process, from which sometimes good ideas originate. So...

Ha - some rehearsed self-restraint spee[cut short]ch

D: That said, with each and every passing second and comment, you are pushing the higher levels of my tolerance, so much so that the idea of doing an irrevocable and irreparable damage to my sense of self-restraint sounds ever more appealing. So relax. [Walks away]

[Mutters] Why do I always break bubbles?

Friday, February 24, 2012

Anatoli Boukreev RIP, aka, The Climb

Just finished reading "The Climb" by Anatoli Boukreev (Toli for short), one of the multitude of books that came out to feed the public frenzy following what was the worst year for Everest climbing ever since our Sherpa and Sir. Hillary first stood atop the 8.8k monster.

1996 was the year. As many as 12 dead, including two expedition leaders, Rob Hall and Scott Fischer, veterans of Himalayan commercial climbing. For the uninitiated, commercial climbing is, for the lack of a better word, commercial - not usually for the hardcore mountaineers, but some sort of packaged deal where you pay top dollar (at the higher end in 1996, this was $65,000) for taking a shot at adding the tallest mountain to your resume, which otherwise is most likely to be filled by, well, corporate achievements.

The Climb was written as a response to "Into Thin Air" by Jon Krakauer. Krakauer was part of Rob Hall's Adventure Consultants team, and was able to successfully complete his Everest attempt on the day things went wrong. Into Thin Air reached NY Times bestseller lists, and is arguably one of the best mountaineering books. So much so that the book detailing the K2 disaster of 2006 dubbed itself "K2's Into Thin Air". Into Thin Air is a breezy read, it has its action, its heroes, villains, wannabees, and also-rans. You cannot put the book down, even if you do not have the faintest idea of mountaineering. In the end, you feel disturbed but satisfied, like you would feel after reading a good novel - a few ambitions met, a few people dead, a few hopes unmade, and a villain left standing to the boot. And that villain was Toli. Born in Kazakhstan, Anatoli Boukreev was an established mountaineer who climbed multiple 8k mountains multiple times - mostly without oxygen, and has guided/saved a few men in his life time. Something didn't seem right. And that's when I was determined to read the book Toli co-authored (ghost-written, if you ask Reinhold Messner) with Weston DeWalt in response to Into Thin Air.

The Climb disappointed me in comparison to Into Thin Air. The Climb read like a patchy journal. But as you get into the later chapters, you get an idea of what possibly transpired in the high camps on that fateful night when high winds swept the lives out of climbers. It nowhere matches Krakeur's journalistic narrative brilliance, but it has an element of truth in it. It is unapologetic too, about Anatoli's possible disdain for climbing clients who expect to be pampered. The book goes overboard in defending Toli and rebuking Jon. I think it was not needed. Those who care will read on, and once you read, you get an idea.

The fact is this. On May 10, 1996, there were too many people and teams trying to summit Mt. Everest. After reaching the summit (without supplemental oxygen, as usual) early in the day, Anatoli climbed down ahead of some of his clients to the high camp (Camp IV) before the winds broke lose. There were people in his team and other teams up there on the mountain, slowly trying to work their way back to Camp IV. Anatoli rested in Camp IV, the highest camp on Everest, drinking tea, and the works (like lying down). And then, one of the most disastrous storms in Everest climbing ever decided that time's up.

Whatever anyone else might say, Toli went up again - not once, not twice,  not thrice - when no self-respecting Sherpa would, in the night, in the middle of a storm (when you cannot find your ass with your hand - and that is, assuming you feel, at that altitude, that you have an ass.) to look for people.

His clients, Tim, Sandy, and Fox were lost in the storm above 8,000 m. Above 8,000 m, your blood runs thick as sludge, because of the overabundance of red blood cells, trying to suck out oxygen which is as low as 1/3rd of the sea level concentration. As one documentary put it, the death zone above 8,000 m is the altitude where "the human body begins to shut down".  His clients were lost, unable to find their way back to the tents in the stormy darkness, and out of oxygen. Anatoli managed to find them and guide them all (they would have been dead definitely otherwise), by giving oxygen (for which he had to beg around tents), hot tea (carried in a thermos), and his strong hand to the relative safety of the camp. All his clients are alive today to tell the tale.

Scott Fischer, Toli's expedition leader, was lost higher up in the mountain, though. As was another expedition leader, Rob Hall, who had earlier in the evening, radioed his pregnant wife in New Zealand, saying that all would be well. That was the last anyone heard of Hall.

Anatoli was not able to save two climbers in the vicinity - Yasuko Namba and Beck Weathers - both from  Rob Hall's team. Yasuko and Beck were thought of, that night, as dead. One of them would die. Some say, most of this would never have happened had Anatoli stayed back with his clients on top before the storm broke. Yes - things could have been different had he stayed back, thank you. Hindsight is the most idiotic wisdom in such tragic situations. Some say he acted in self-interest. Some say he acted out of guilt for sipping hot tea in high camp, while his clients were struggling down the mountain. Some blame him for not using oxygen himself. The Climb gives answers as to why Toli acted the way he did.


Toli went up again the next evening to help his mentor Scott Fischer, but Scott was totally beyond rescue, and he had to sound the retreat. Five days later, "in one final act of defiance", Toli climbed Mt. Lhotse (8,516m) alone and without oxygen, setting a 17 hour record.

At extremely high altitudes, when you cannot even move a limb without considerable effort, you cannot afford to think of the reactions and verdicts of arm-chair mountaineers. As far as I think, Boukreev did his job. Which is what he told a store owner who was all over him later - "It was my job." It was his job. But, if what I read is any indication, Toli was disturbed till the very end he could not rescue Yasuko, the diminutive Japanese woman, who was left for dead at a spot barely 2 meters away from where he picked up his clients. He was told she was gone, and rued it till the end, because another person he was told was gone came back to the camp the next evening – Beck Weathers – with very little of him intact.  Anatoli tried to make some amends the next year. While climbing Everest in 1997 with an Indonesian team, he went to the spot where he had left Yasuko and found her body covered in snow. He removed the little things (which he passed on to her widower) from her pack and covered up her body with rocks to keep it from scavengers.

To borrow the words of one of my colleagues [She must have written this piece in a totally different frame of mind, but it so well fits in here.],
as you went
if you had only lent
to the one left behind
a fraction of your strength



The man the climbs could not defeat lies buried underneath snow and ice at around 5,700 meters on the Annapurna - thanks to an avalanche on 25th December, (of all days!) 1997. The last anyone saw of him was Simone Moro, who was climbing ahead of him. Moro heard the avalanche break lose and shouted to Anatoli and Sobolev who were coming up. "Moro said that Anatoli caught his eye, and in a calm, quick maneuver, began to sidestep up the sloping walls of the gully in which he and Sobolev had been climbing."

Nothing else could have possibly defeated him, and as I read the last pages, I still cannot get over the feeling of Toli rising like a ghost over another eight thousander to save someone from peril.
Rest In Peace Toli. We understand. Thank you for the book. Truth sometimes reads less interesting than imagination.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Monday, January 9, 2012

What a sad salesman taught me.

There was this sad salesman. The type who would walk around the streets selling stuff like TV covers, carpets, and the like. He was very successful. I asked him once how he managed it all. This was his mantra. "It's simple. Walk into any house - if the lady of the house shouts at you to not come in while you open the gate (know that the distance between the gate and the house is a bit long in our place), just walk right in".

And I asked why would someone do that. They already told you not to enter.

His response was classic -"Those are people with a heart. They do not want you to walk all the way to realize there's no sale to be made. Walk right into them, and you have a definite sale."

I kind of believed him, because he was successful. Cheap though.

My point is different. One of my friends told me recently that he watches all this myth movies like LOTR, and sees battlefields and blood and gore. He said that if he was there at that point, he would stand behind everyone and walk away, when no one was looking. And I looked at him and said "hmmm. no way...you never gonna do that."

What I was thinking about this person at that point was the same thing that salesman taught me "Dude, I know you'd fight. You're just scared that you would get involved and fight till the end. You're scared because you're true."



Sunday, December 11, 2011

Chro: Jan 7, 2008

Yesterday, I was busy churning out answers to the most frequently encountered grammatical queries. Like:

What is a gerund?
A gerund is a fancy name for a constipated matronly woman in her late fifties. Not even worth bothering.

Is unconscience a genuine word?
Yes. Contrary to popular myth, it is not an absence of conscience. It explores negative terrain further down from where conscience drops to zero. Use it in situations like “I think he has an unconscience. How else could he pee in the swimming pool?”

How do you differentiate between its and it’s?
Example: The dog wags its tail because it is in its nature. Now, we can rewrite this sentence as “The dog wags its tail because it’s in its nature.” “It is” now becomes it’s while we leave the other two its untouched. Since we sacrificed the “extra space and i” from “it is”, we compensated with an apostrophe. Such sacrifices and compensations are de rigueur in the world of grammar.

Philosopher’s/Mountaineer’s version: The dog wags its tail because it is there.
Bio version: The dog wags its tail because it is one of the few organs that a dog can wag.

Give me an example of a relative clause.
A prenuptial agreement.

Why do we have so many punctuations and new usages?
How do you think revised editions of Wren and Martin were sold years ago? [New edition – covers everything from ellipses and square brackets to tilde and grave accent.]

Could you explain the use of colons and semicolons in modern writing?
Yes of course. The colon is used along with the dash and Shift+0 to get a smiley. When used in conjunction with Shift+9, we get a sad face. Similarly, the semicolon is used with the first combo to get a wink. We don’t use it normally with the second combo, as sad people rarely wink. 

Give me an example of a way in which prepositions are used.
Luckily, Tim was in preposition when the water flow stopped.

What is an adverb? How is it different from a verb?
A verb, to start with, is used to denote action of some kind. An adverb is not that different - it is just any verb used in a marketing context. For example, the word “do” in Nike’s “Just do it!” campaign is a classic example of an adverb.

Please explain the difference between direct and indirect speech.
Wife (Direct Speech): Can we go out tonight?
Wife (Indirect Speech): I wish I was in college.

Is it alright to say things like “my friend and I” or “my friend and me?”
Depends on where you live. In democratic countries, yes. It’s also called the right to free speech. 

How come the comma is called a comma?
It is not a full stop. The sentence may recuperate.

Can you tell the difference between stationary and stationery?
Yes, I can.